craftjuice

selvedge magazine

If you haven't discovered selvedge magazine already, I would be writing a strongly worded memo to you about getting a copy of this fantastic publication. (In fact, why not just order the entire back catalogue)

selvedge is focused on textile design and inspiration and just has me breathless at every page turn. My dear friend Eileen passed on one of her precious copies to me and I just can't put it down. Its so beautiful.

Just get it. It's so worth it.

money stuff

Part of learning how to get back on my feet has included learning new financial skills - proper budgeting, saving (err, still learning that bit), learning about my superannuation, etc.  One of my great friends at work Ms F sent me this great article about girls building knowledge and confidence with money.

The article states that the Women Understanding Money Report published by the Australian Financial Literacy Foundation, found 52 per cent of women find dealing with money stressful and overwhelming and 25 per cent have no savings for retirement. I certainly find it overwhelmingly stressful and anxious even when I even have to do my online banking! This general feeling has spawned a number of great resource websites for women to learn more about getting smart with money.

If you want to know more, check out Moneygirl, 10thousandgirl and financy.

learning to fly

I know its been MONTHS since I last posted - I've been busy trying to find my feet and get life as under control as possible as a working single mum. I won't lie to you - I've found it hard and very up and very down. A few weeks ago I had a weeks holiday (all by myself! Miss M went on a lovely trip to Cairns with her Nannie and Peepa) and realised that apart from work and Miss M, I don't really have my own things to do. I spent the whole week cleaning the house! Even the pantry, the garage, my wardrobe, the linen cupboard! That's not really what a holiday is for. And by the end of the week I was truly exhausted. But I didn't really know what else to do with my time. I was talking to a friend of mine Mr J about this and he said "Well, what did you do before?" and I don't really know or remember!  I guess Mr B and I used to do lots of things and now I'm on my own, I'm finding it really hard to get back into the habit of doing things for myself that I enjoy in my own spare time.

Over the past six months, I've now got the house under control and fear I have developed an OCD cleaning habit!  This is how I currently fill in my spare time. I get the broom and start sweeping, I get a rag and start dusting, I find a cupboard and start to tidy - totally unnatural behaviours!! LOL!  It has been however a very cathartic experience and feels good to clean the clutter out of the house and make it my own a little more each week.  I've been learning to fly and take control of the house with Flylady and I have to tell you its been the single best thing that helps me take control and manage my time each week. I have simple cleaning routines in place and the house is always clean and tidy. Well, tidy-ish!  I'd encourage you to try it if the house chores are getting on top of you - start with the babysteps and work your way up. It's quite magical. The daily emails I find are very motivating too. I've even got Miss M in on the cleaning act! Once she gets a bottle of window cleaner in her hand, there is no stopping her!

I am rediscovering some great music to listen to on the bus on my way to work and perhaps have enjoyed iTunes maybe a little too much! Most recently I've downloaded Megan Washington, BlueJuice, the new Cat Empire, The Bird and The Bee and Sia.  I'm still also listening to Babylon Circus, Sola Rosa and Elana Stone.

I haven't picked up a book or a magazine in ages. I have a pile of Frankie and a pile of fantastic books sitting on my dining table ready to be devoured. This morning I finally re-subscribed to mixtape.

Today I was thinking that I've actually been quite anxious and even fearful to do things for myself that I like to do. So I need to overcome that and concentrate on finding myself again and a better balance for a happy life. Like blogging, crafting and sewing and reading and just enjoying having creative fun and freedom to do whatever I want. And allowing myself to do that. Without the guilt and anxiousness and fear.

So here I am back at my poor neglected blog. This is my first step. Getting back to the habit of blogging. I do have so much to share with you!

You should see the rainbow pony cake I made for Miss M's birthday last week ;)

status report: saturday 10 april, 7.44am

This little piggy wore sneakers...

Finishing: half an hour walk up the mountain and around the uni and half an hour hoola hooping and rhythmic boxing on the Wii Fit - yes my peeps...I've been EXERCISING!

Thinking about: getting serious about shaking this ass!

Just discovered: since Christmas, I've put on the equivalent weight of one of my Boston Terriers onto my body (I'm not going to tell you which one or where it went). This is alarming. And a wake up call. I want to be proud of how I look and a good role model for Miss M. And to fit in my clothes.

Cooking: Well, I still have to have a coffee, but today, food changes in my house.

Planning: some sort of gold star chart for me to motivate me to exercise and eat properly. And not drink like a fish.

Checking out: Beyonce's great ass on channel V - sure, she might be 12 years younger than me, been a dancer all her life and has good genes, but hell, surely I can look like an older, whiter, mildly slobbier version of her? Or not.

Listening to: Beyonce being Crazy In Love - those crazy kids with their short shorts and exploding cars.

I really must: make a list of all the things I'm going to do today - I'm feeling motivated to be productive!

Watching: my body recover from the shock of sudden movement this morning.

Wanting: a Virgin Mary. I'm addicted.

Have just finished: the second load of washing for the day already.

Needing to: make some lamb and vege soup...mmmm

Missing: creative inspiration

Hoping: this motivation to transform my body actually continues!

Looking forward to: seeing my best friend Glenn tomorrow for lunch (healthy lunch!) and seeing the new Jean-Pierre Jeunet film MicMacs - I can't wait!!!

open garden schemeing

 
which path to take Dora?

Today Mum, Miss M and I went along to one of Brisbane's amazing Open Gardens as part of the Australian Open Garden Scheme.

The local garden 'Lynwood' belongs to a lovely guy, Hugo, who has planted out about an acre of land, connected by a labyrinth of pathways (some secret!) that wanders down, around and across Mimosa Creek - a little bit of paradise in the heart of our sprawling suburb! It is truly beautiful. And some amazing plants.

Here's Miss M down a little secret path to some amazing orchids...

The Scheme opens amazing private gardens to the public for a weekend and is a great opportunity to visit, talk to the owner, wander about and get lost in all the ideas you have for your own garden, no matter how big or small! Its a great opportunity for amazing local gardeners to share their knowledge and often you will see amazing specemins of plants you can only dream of growing or even a rare plant or two.

So I couldn't help but on the way home drop into Bunnings to pick up some new veges for my little slice of dirt.  I planted out a variety of rocket (my favourite), mixed and Asian lettuces...

...as well as some green and yellow zucchini and corn (just for fun, who knows if it will grow there) for the 'bigger' garden. 

I've also noticed some tiny tomato plants popping up from where I dug in the last lot - yum. My little garden out the back is starting to come along nicely now.  Mum gave me quite a few plants to start getting it looking a lot nicer and my little baskets are currenly full of glorious pink and purple petunia colour - which makes me very happy to look at them!

PS At Bunnings, I also bought a new screwdriver set because I can't find my trusty Phillips Head anywhere...its a great set with...wait for it...detatchable end bits! How very domestic goddess of me.

PPS By the way, if you haven't lately, catch up on What Is James Wearing... I'm addicted.

i did it myself

Finding myself sans man has presented me with some new challenges around the house and an opportunity to develop some new life skills.

You wouldn't think that for someone with my background and experience, opening a bank account would be a hyperventilating experience, but it was. And took me weeks to work up the guts to go and do it. And when I stepped into the bank on that day, I seriously thought I was going to have a seizure when I had to explain my 'new situation' and hand over the crumpled bit of paper I'd been carrying around with what I needed to do there on it (as a conceptual diagram of course, not just words on a page).

Likewise setting up my B-Pay for bills online. From my very own accounts for the first time in nearly ten years. I initially had a physical reaction (lots of sweating, adrenaline and bizarre self-talk) about how I could possibly stand on my own two feet now. With a mortgage, child and all that comes with that. Suddenly I felt very grown up. And not very comfortable with that.  But you know, when I'd worked it out, I was OK. More than OK in fact. And so that's given me confidence in small doses to tackle other things...

...like mowing the lawn. My first lawn ever.

Last week, I decided that my front yard looked like a rental. Overgrown, uncared for and more than a little bit embarrassing. I thought I might get 'a man in' to do it - you know, one of those lawnmower franchise people, to clean it up for me.  But then I thought. Fuck it. I can do this! In fact, I'd love to do this! And spend the $60 I'd save on something more pleasurable!  So on Sunday afternoon, I pulled out the (electric) mower and set about making my lot a little more acceptable. About the time all my cul-de-sac neighbours pulled out their camping chairs and several bottles of wine for a Sunday Session.

And they watched me - struggle with starting the mower (several times), wrapping the electrical cord around my neck/waist/feet/knees like a performer in Cirque du Soliel (but not a very good one) so I didn't run over it and electrocute myself, getting it caught on my house number/letterbox/hedge/rock...well, you get the idea. I added a whole new category to 'street theatre'. I know this, because I received a standing ovation at the end.  Then I clipped eight years of overhanging lawn edge away from the driveway, sprayed the weeds in the concrete, clipped my hedge and tidied up a bit. And it looks much better now, even though there is more (never-ending) work to do.

And I did it all myself. Small steps.

status report: friday 1 january 2010, 8.43pm

Finishing: 2009 - thank goodness - one of the most challenging years of my life - I was diagnosed with clinical depression in July (I am doing and feeling so very well now thanks to some very clever, loving and supportive people) and I amicably separated from Mr B in September (its OK - all very friendly and he lives just around the corner now).  Have spent the last months simply exisiting, managing and getting through the worst of both these things and am proud to be looking positively towards the future for myself and for Miss M.

Thinking about: 2010 - my year of new beginnings! The possibilities are very exciting...

Just (re)discovered: the satisfaction of writing down my goals for the year and knowing that I can achieve them if I put my mind to it. (Even the ones to lose some weight and get fit!)

Cooking: up some great plans...looking after myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually (as well as some great plans for a holiday or two and doing up the house a bit!)

Planning: carefully how I'm going to juggle all this with working full time and being a sensational mum to Miss M as well...hmmm...the trickiness of work/life balance and maintaining sanity! Lucky for wine, blogging and sensational friends.

Checking out: a great new app on my new iPhone (yes! I now have an iPhone and LOVE it) for tracking my goals called Make It Happen.

Listening to: my friend Todd's New Year's sensational party mix mash up

I really must: 'reset' my Bloglines so I can keep up with all my favourite blogs again...oh how I've missed being amazed, delighted and inspired by my blog posse's wonderful posts and projects (as well as their daily insights, lives and humour)!

Watching: I must confess I'm watching the Southpark marathon on Foxtel - and loving it! I'd forgotten how outrageous and funny it is!

Wanting: to give craftjuice a bit of a refresh and get my much neglected one night only kick started again.

Excited about: my friend Maya's new baby girl Evaline Rose (and wondering if Fiona B has had hers yet!?)

Have just finished: another beautiful day with my beautiful Miss M with a Scooby Doo movie before bedtime (I think Daphne has had some 'work done' for this movie...)

Needing to: pack the dishwasher, tidy up, wipe down the kitchen and find that other glass slipper...(I wonder who has it?)

Hoping: it will be a fine day tomorrow so I can get out and about with Miss M - the weather here has been very rainy over the past week (but it has been so lovely)

Looking forward to: so many things! Spending more time with Miss M before my holidays finish, some new purchases from MaxShop arriving on my doorstep, starting a new role in strategic planning at work next week (until Easter!), seeing my friends back at work, some sewing on the weekend (I'm thinking about embellishing Anthropologie style) and starting on my way working towards my goals in 2010!

Here's to a sensational 2010 - Year of the Tiger...grrrrrrrr!  Are you ready? Let's go!

mini goals chalkboard

The high achiever that I am, I almost reach the point of spontaneous combustion busting my ass to get what I want done each day (usually accompanied by large doses of self flagellating if I fail to achieve them).  Part of my 'therapy' is just to be satisfied doing a few things on my list instead of the 100 or so I usually add to the 'to do'.

So this is the perfect thing for me to just concentrate (and even celebrate) achieving just two things to do each day.  I love Mary Kate McDevitt's shop on etsy and her new mini goals blog! 

Would make the day seem so much more achievable and easier to think about don't you think?

(found via freshly{blended})

happy birthday to me!

It's my birthday today!  I'm 37 - woot!  I really don't mind getting older - I'm having more fun than ever. And getting better at being myself every day! As I reflect on my life (as you do on your birthday) I am really thankful today for a lot of things.

One of those things is that I'm surrounded by the best friends that anyone in the world could ask for. I only have a very small group of close friends, even though I am blessed with an abundance of amazing and fabulous people in my life.

See these fantastic birthday gifts I received?  They are from my wonderful friend Jacqui who lives in Japan.  I only met Jacqui just a little over a year go through this blog and her blog, Blooming in Japan.  Even though we've never met in person, she is one of my dearest friends.  She has opened her heart and we share lots of interests, dreams and challenges. It's so rare to find someone that you just clicked with and I can't wait to meet her in person and give her a big hug one day!

These beautiful and thoughtful gifts have a story which illustrates the thing I am thankful for the most today - amazing friends. Because when Jacqui found them on Etsy, she had no idea that she was connecting with another of my amazing friends!!!  Yep - through some bizarre bend in the universe, of all the things Jacqui could have chosen for me, she chose my friend Fiona's stuff at Tree Party Design - get out!  And that just makes everything all the more special - because these special gifts are given and made with love from two very special people in my life.

And that's why I'm so thankful for my amazing, talented, incredible (and at times, very tolerant and patient) friends. And it fills my heart so overwhelmingly big and full, it makes me cry a bucket of tears! It's the best present of all. Especially today.

Happy Birthday to me. I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

looking after oneself

Today I'm off to my clinical dietitian, Mr W. He takes my blood and looks at it through a microscope and then tells me how unhealthy I am. I've been visiting him since I got pregnant with Miss M and I attribute him with my trouble free, morning sickness free, healthy pregnancy that resulted in a healthy child who slept through, fed and ate well and was free and untroubled by her mother's food allergies.  During my pregnancy, at times, I was swallowing up to 100 vitamins and supplements a week (yup), but I'd do it all again. It works for me.

So the last three years have seen me look after myself less and less to the point where I felt like I had to make some dramatic changes or self destruct in the dark clouded black hole I found myself in each day. My stress levels through the roof. And I hadn't seen Mr W for a while, so about six months ago I made an appointment and walked back through his door and started on my new program. To get well basically. And it's working. Two months ago he identified a big hormone imbalance so popped me on some crazy chinese bark. Yes bark. As in tree. And after three days I felt a different person. Much like my former self. Which was the most awesome thing to happen to me in a very long time.  So today I'm going back for my next assessment and I know what is coming...diet. Eww. After I've just bought new jeans and everything.

I was thinking about this on the plane on the way home and started compiling a list of the things I should do to look after myself a bit better. If I write them here, well, I kind of have to do them. So its a pretty big step, but they are small changes I need to make (that actually, these things are part of any normal person's day) that will have big impacts.  Notice I don't have down exercise yet.  But as I feel better, I'll get to that. I need to get this ol' body moving.

• Eat breakfast every day, don't skip it.
• Follow Mr W's plan with diet and vitamins/supplements.
• Go to the doctor and have all those screens and tests I've neglected for the past three years.
• Drink the required 6-8 glasses of water each day.
• Reduce my eating portions - just because its on my plate, doesn't mean I have to eat it. And don't clean up Miss M's plate (or what's left in the saucepan) either.
• Take healthy snacks and my own lunch to work so I don't hit the vending machine at 2pm for a Snickers or resort to running down to the hot box for chips at 3pm because I forgot to eat.
• Drink tea instead of coffee at work.
• Throw out all my crap underwear and buy nice new stuff - even some 'pretty' (not 'functional') sets.
• Pay more attention to my presentation. Just because I wear opaque stockings doesn't mean I don't have to shave my legs.
• Listen to more music that I enjoy (drag out that iPod).
• Re-join the library and read books for pleasure.
• Exfoliate and use my lovely vitamin E cream on my hands and face and everything else looking saggy.

So all that looks quite managable, even basic, but these are things I've not done for three years. And its time to change.

Wish me luck!