Finding myself sans man has presented me with some new challenges around the house and an opportunity to develop some new life skills.
You wouldn't think that for someone with my background and experience, opening a bank account would be a hyperventilating experience, but it was. And took me weeks to work up the guts to go and do it. And when I stepped into the bank on that day, I seriously thought I was going to have a seizure when I had to explain my 'new situation' and hand over the crumpled bit of paper I'd been carrying around with what I needed to do there on it (as a conceptual diagram of course, not just words on a page).
Likewise setting up my B-Pay for bills online. From my very own accounts for the first time in nearly ten years. I initially had a physical reaction (lots of sweating, adrenaline and bizarre self-talk) about how I could possibly stand on my own two feet now. With a mortgage, child and all that comes with that. Suddenly I felt very grown up. And not very comfortable with that. But you know, when I'd worked it out, I was OK. More than OK in fact. And so that's given me confidence in small doses to tackle other things...
...like mowing the lawn. My first lawn ever.
Last week, I decided that my front yard looked like a rental. Overgrown, uncared for and more than a little bit embarrassing. I thought I might get 'a man in' to do it - you know, one of those lawnmower franchise people, to clean it up for me. But then I thought. Fuck it. I can do this! In fact, I'd love to do this! And spend the $60 I'd save on something more pleasurable! So on Sunday afternoon, I pulled out the (electric) mower and set about making my lot a little more acceptable. About the time all my cul-de-sac neighbours pulled out their camping chairs and several bottles of wine for a Sunday Session.
And they watched me - struggle with starting the mower (several times), wrapping the electrical cord around my neck/waist/feet/knees like a performer in Cirque du Soliel (but not a very good one) so I didn't run over it and electrocute myself, getting it caught on my house number/letterbox/hedge/rock...well, you get the idea. I added a whole new category to 'street theatre'. I know this, because I received a standing ovation at the end. Then I clipped eight years of overhanging lawn edge away from the driveway, sprayed the weeds in the concrete, clipped my hedge and tidied up a bit. And it looks much better now, even though there is more (never-ending) work to do.
And I did it all myself. Small steps.
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